The 47-year-old speaks about the accident in a new Disney+ documentary, which includes graphic photos of his wounds and commentary from an oral and maxillofacial surgeon who witnessed his injuries.
Sharing his recovery in the new documentary, Flintoff said: “After the accident, I didn’t think I had it in me to get through.
“This sounds awful … part of me wishes I’d been killed. Part of me thinks, I wish I’d died.
“I didn’t want to kill myself … I wouldn’t mistake the two things.
“I was not wishing, I was just thinking, ‘this would have been so much easier’.
“Now I try to take the attitude that the sun will come up tomorrow, and my kids will still give me a hug. I’m probably in a better place now.”
Freddie Flintoff opens up about Top Gear crash in new documentary
Reflecting on his recovery, the former England cricket captain says his then three-and-a-half-year-old son Preston “wouldn’t come near me”.
“I think it frightened him, my face, it frightened me. That was heartbreaking,” he says in the film.
The documentary airs this week. (Image: Disney+ / PA Wire)
“I’ve got PTSD and I get anxious, for periods of time, I just find myself crying for no particular reason.”
Flintoff also said that he relives the crash every night when he goes to bed and described the experience as a “vivid” movie.
“Even the memories of it are real, to the point where now I’m talking about it and I’m getting a bit jittery and I can feel the pain on the side of my face”, he says.
“I can feel like a phantom pain. It’s like a bit of a curse, really.”
Former Top Gear presenter Flintoff was taken to hospital after he was hurt while filming the BBC motoring show at its test track at Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey in December 2022.
Recalling the accident, he says: “I thought I was dead because I was conscious but I couldn’t see anything.
“I was thinking ‘is that it?’”.
He added, “My biggest fear was, I didn’t think I had a face. I thought my face had come off. I was frightened to death.”
The BBC “rested” Top Gear for the foreseeable future in 2023 after reaching a financial settlement with Flintoff, an agreement reportedly worth around £9 million.
In the documentary, Flintoff appears resentful about the entertainment culture he was involved in, likening it to his own injury-ravaged playing career.
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“Everybody wants more. Everybody want to dig that bit deeper,” he says.
Flintoff also speaks about his relationship with alcohol and experience with bulimia in the 90-minute documentary.
Flintoff will premiere exclusively on Disney+ in the UK and Ireland on Friday, April 25.
